So my 90 year old mom who seemed so clear-headed and bright just a few months ago is now experiencing dementia and careening down hill so quickly. It is so hard to see her this way and she is struggling so hard to stay sane. You can see how she is searching her mind to make sense of what she perceives versus what is real. You see, my Dad and her husband of 62 years, passed away five years ago on February 1, 2005 (my birthday, by the way) and it's like she is just realizing that he is gone. Several times, she asked why everyone had kept his death a secret from her. Mom, of course knows he died but she says she has seen him or will say she hasn't seen him in a few days. She wants to know why he isn't taking baths or brushing his teeth. She says he is cheating on her although she knows he would never do that. The doctor and my sister and I have been telling her that her mind is playing tricks on her. She says she knows it's not real but slips right back to why is Mel cheating on her. So it is so sad to see her grieving again. Today, Mom and I listened to the audio of the memorial service we had for Dad. I think that helped a little, however, she still wants to know why everyone kept my Dad's death a secret.
A couple of times today Mom said she heard music, a man singing, when all I heard was silence. I like to think it was Dad singing to her from heaven. Perhaps "Ancient Words".
So today has been a trying and sad day. Tomorrow, we are going to visit a few Adult Family Homes as the Assisted Living she lives at now is not equipped to attend to her dementia efficiently.
We pray that we will be able to cope and most of all for God to help Mom cope.
