Mom May 31, 2010

Mom left a message this morning saying she had a heavy heart and wanted me to call her. I called her but she just said that she had a story to tell me next time she saw me. I told her I'd be to see her tomorrow.

Mom May 22, 2010

Mom called tonight and said that she was crying and that she had been out walking around the building and out to the stop sign looking for him. But she is just too tired to keep looking and the girls at FC said they would continue looking for him in the morning. I called FC and talked to Nicole who said Mom was having a bad night but they had gotten her back to her apartment and calmed down. I thanked her and the others for looking out and taking care of her.

Mom May 20, 2010

Mom called tonight and wanted Dad's phone number. I told her he is dead and she said "yea, but sometimes they come back, don't they?". She misses him so and it is heart wrenching to have to remind her over and over that he is gone.

Mommy

Seems Mom's re-assessment went well yesterday. Thank you Lois for being there. I am sorry I couldn't be. Mom called me this a.m. and said she just wanted to see him. I asked her who and she said Dad. After I reminded her that he is gone but in heaven and in her heart, she said she wanted to write a letter to him to let him know what is going on but who should she give the letter to? She said Bill and Lois suggested she write him a letter. I told her that was a good idea. Either letters or a daily journal. But there was no way to get the letter to him.

Tonight she called and wanted to know who had the box with Dad in it. I reminded her that it was buried up at the ranch in The Dalles. Mom wanted to know who put him there and I told her we all did, including her. She wanted to know if she could go with us to Oregon but I explained that we are not going to The Dalles but to the beach at Lincoln City.

It is so sad how she misses him so and is so confused about it all. My heart goes out to her.

Latest on Mom

Well, Lois, Mom and I went back to a few of the AFH's we were considering. Mom enjoyed seeing them and definitely had an opinion. The ones I thought were nice in Federal Way, she didn't like so much. So Lois and I took her the one on Kent East Hill off from 104th (Oldtimers know it as "The Benson"). 11038 SE 212th ST. She did like this one and we actually liked it best too. The bedroom is light and cheery with light green painted walls and two windows and is roomy. It is right next to a bathroom. She seemed to hit it off with the caretaker and the residents. One of the residents seemed really cognitive and likes to play cards and dominoes. Mom asked a couple of times about the money. She doesn't understand why she has to move unless it is because of the money. I think she will enjoy being in a home situation and it will be good for her to be around people more. Once Lois got her home, she got excited about the move. Uncle Stan called to get an update and also said she is excited. She seemed mentally pretty good today, however, she talked about hearing a cat and a dog fighting during the night and somehow a fox got into the story. Love her so much. :-)

My daily update on Mom

Took Mom to the doctor today. When I arrived at FC, she was sitting out front of the dining hall. I asked her if she had eaten and she said no. Then she told me about burning her tongue and throat on chewing gum. Said she had chewed other pieces from the same pack and no problem. Mom saved the piece she was chewing. I asked her if she had a cup of coffee this morning and she said "yes, but the coffee pot doesn't work right". I wonder if she really burned her tongue and throat on the coffee. I had her show the doctor her tongue and the doctor was alarmed. I wanted to see if the Doctor saw it to be sure this was a real event. We had gone to the doctor for a follow up from an appointment we had a couple of weeks ago. They had done a cat scan. Results came back normal. Doctor she officially has dementia and prescribed some meds for her. Also supposed to take her to a neurologist. Mom seemed okay other than that. Checked out a boarding house called Cascade Park Gardens. The name does not fit the look of the place. Inside smelled like those deordant cakes they used to put in toilets. Staff and service seemed really good the the look of the place was kind of depressing and dreary. Lots of activities, whereas, the AFH's don't have activities. Called brother Bill and Lois to see if they preferred something closer or something with more activities. They both said something closer as in the AFH. The next closes BH would be in University Place or Seattle. So will continue to check out AFH's. (two tomorrow) When in the elevator at the doctor's, Mom touched my arm and gave me a loving look and said that she was so appreciative of the time I am spending with her.

Today's Mom Update

Well seconds thoughts about moving Mom have been dismissed. I spoke to Patricia, the nurse at FC and she had just come out of a meeting. She said they talked about Mom. They are okay with residents with dementia unless they cause stress and harm to the other residents. Which Mom has been knocking on doors at night looking for the woman that is having an affair with Dad and spoke harshly to the woman she thinks it is. It is stressing Uncle Stan too. So, subsequently, they want her to move out. I spoke to DSHS about the financial requirements to move her and the Boarding Houses because they would specialize in dementia and give Mom better care and attention therapueticly. However, there are none anywhere between Seattle and Tacoma. Sent off an email to my siblings to get their opinions on where. I also called Uncle Stan today and gave him an update. Saw Faye Estes today too and updated her.

Talked to Mom on the phone today and she sounded fine. Will see her tomorrow when I take her to Dr Ramberg for a follow up vist. (Results of Cat Scan).

My Lovely and Sweet Mom

Today Mom and I went to two Adult Family Homes. I'm still not convinced that she needs to move at this time. The reason Lois and I felt that a move was necessary is because we feel that Mom could get more individual attention in a home and smaller environment. Yes, she can still dress and perform her own occupational tasks. The only thing that Fountain Court (FC) is doing for her is giving her, her medications. But since she is hallucinating about Dad, she is still alone in her apartment in a stressed state of anxiety. When someone there does notice her anxiety, they call Lois or I and ask that we come over and calm her down. While we don't mind doing this, it still takes time for us to get there. If she is in a AFH, there would be a caregiver right there to know about it and help her right away. At FC Mom has approached and spoken harshly to a woman there about having an affair with Dad and caused some bad feelings. She is embarrassed to be among the other residents at mealtimes. I spoke to the nurse at FC today and got the impression that she is trying to work with the residents that have dementia. I will call her tomorrow and speak to her to try to get her opinion for whether Mom should stay or go. I'll also call Lois and discuss this with her. Tried to call DSHS today to see what we would need to do financially if she does move.

Mom seemed better today. Only a couple of times did she slip into her hallucinations again. Once was while we were at one of the AFH and chatting with the caregiver there.

While driving to and from the AFH's, she kept wanting to check out apartments and another assisted living facility. Kept trying to explain that she needed the AFH but didn't seem to sink in.

It was nice having her around for a couple of days.

My Lovely and Sweet Mom

So my 90 year old mom who seemed so clear-headed and bright just a few months ago is now experiencing dementia and careening down hill so quickly. It is so hard to see her this way and she is struggling so hard to stay sane. You can see how she is searching her mind to make sense of what she perceives versus what is real. You see, my Dad and her husband of 62 years, passed away five years ago on February 1, 2005 (my birthday, by the way) and it's like she is just realizing that he is gone. Several times, she asked why everyone had kept his death a secret from her. Mom, of course knows he died but she says she has seen him or will say she hasn't seen him in a few days. She wants to know why he isn't taking baths or brushing his teeth. She says he is cheating on her although she knows he would never do that. The doctor and my sister and I have been telling her that her mind is playing tricks on her. She says she knows it's not real but slips right back to why is Mel cheating on her. So it is so sad to see her grieving again. Today, Mom and I listened to the audio of the memorial service we had for Dad. I think that helped a little, however, she still wants to know why everyone kept my Dad's death a secret.

A couple of times today Mom said she heard music, a man singing, when all I heard was silence. I like to think it was Dad singing to her from heaven. Perhaps "Ancient Words".

So today has been a trying and sad day. Tomorrow, we are going to visit a few Adult Family Homes as the Assisted Living she lives at now is not equipped to attend to her dementia efficiently.

We pray that we will be able to cope and most of all for God to help Mom cope.